Having a baby is a landmark event. Many expectant parents enjoy dreaming about what their child will look like; the type of person their child will be and how dramatically their lives will be changed once their child arrives. They fantasize about the characteristics their child will have and talk about their dreams with family and friends. They build up high expectations - their child will be perfect, beautiful, and successful.

When a person is born with Down syndrome, it places the doctor in a delicate and frustrating position. Instead of the anticipated, "You have a beautiful, healthy baby," the doctor must confront the parents with far less joyful news. No one is really prepared to deal with the immediate emotional impact of a child with a disability - not parents, friends, relatives, nor the hospital staff surrounding the parents.

Shock, panic, despair, disbelief, hopelessness, guilt, shame, rejection, and pain--a pain so deep and searing that parents sometimes have difficulty describing it--are common reactions when parents find out their child has Down syndrome. They are afraid they will not be able to cope with the situation. There are so many questions without answers and so much uncertainty about the future. Parents wonder if their life will be light or carefree again, if there will be laughter again, if they will be able to cope with this overwhelming burden the rest of their lives, or if there is light at the end of the tunnel. The unfairness of it is beyond comprehension for many. How could this happen to us? What did we do to deserve this? What will we do? These are just a few of the questions asked.

Having someone who is able to listen and understand is extremely important for new parents. Often, merely seeing another parent who looks "normal" or "okay" is living proof that one can survive such a stressful situation. An experienced or veteran parent can be more sensitive to the feelings involved, offer more appropriate support and can help the new parents in ways that are not possible for professional counselors or doctors. Used as a resource, veteran parents can share their experiences and give invaluable suggestions about many aspects of the child's care and future development. They can reassure the new parents that the feelings they are experiencing are perfectly normal, and quite natural. There will usually be an immediate common bond between the two sets of parents, because the volunteer parent advocates felt the same way when they found out their child had Down syndrome. The creation of this bond can be a very important part of the adjustment process. Fears about the future can immobilize couples. Veteran parents visiting with new parents can give an invaluable gift---the first light of hope.

At the moment of diagnosis, most parents only have a vague idea of what the term Down syndrome means, but a great deal of anxiety about what it might mean. The "baggage" that they begin with is what no parent with a "typical" baby has to pick up. What is this baggage? It's the misconceptions, folklore, and half-truths about the condition of Down syndrome which create barriers to their child's (and their own) progress.

Many new parents have misconceptions about words like "retarded." They may think that children who are mentally retarded just lie around and do not develop or respond. Or the parents may have known someone who was "different" when they were young. Those "different" children did not go to school, or if they did, they were never in the same part of the school as everyone else. Those children were called "retards" and people assumed they had no feelings of their own. Worse, older family members of children born today grew up in a time where individuals with Down syndrome were immediately put in institutions and usually forgotten. It was a rare occasion if a family took a newborn child with Down syndrome home to raise.

Of course, neither of these situations is routine today, but we must continue to work toward total community inclusion and acceptance of individuals with Down syndrome. Hearing about or meeting a person with Down syndrome that participates in ordinary activities can be very reassuring to new parents and other members of the community. Think how much different the situation would be for the new parents if they knew about Down syndrome or someone with Down syndrome before their child's birth? What if they had had the opportunity to know a person with Down syndrome in grade school, middle school, or high school? What if they had employed a young adult with Down syndrome in their local business? What if they saw that person as that--a person--first, with Down syndrome, second? Would their reaction after the birth of their child with Down syndrome be different? As part of Mile High Down Syndrome Association's mission, we believe it definitely would.