For
Aunts, Uncles, and other Relatives
From http://www.downsyn.com/relatives.html
|
|  We
have received many e-mails from Aunts and Uncles of children with
Down Syndrome who are trying to get more information about the new
child in their family. We can not stress enough how important it
is for family to support the new parents at this time. This is a
frightening time for the new parents and they often wonder how their
family will treat the new baby.
Showing
how much you love them and their new baby will help to alleviate
these fears; pick up the baby, fuss over the baby, play with the
baby. Sometimes you may not know the right thing to say, or what
you say is in fact the wrong thing. We would like to give some suggestions
about what not to say and what to say. The following suggestions
are based upon the input of many parents of children with Down syndrome.
|
| Things
NOT to say |
| These
are the things that parents have said really upset or angered them: |
 |
"I'm
sorry" or any form of pity.
Pity is not what new parents want or need. What they need is love and acceptance
of their new baby. |
|
"God
gives special parents special children" or any variation.
The new parents probably don't feel very special right now. Also, some parents
may be a little mad at God. Trying to make them feel better with words like
these might be appreciated by some parents and not by others. It is best to
avoid this. |
|
"They're
such loving children."
This is a stereotype of children with Down syndrome and demonstrates that you
really don't know much about Down syndrome. |
|
"Do
they know how serious it is?" or any variation.
Again, this is a demonstration of a lack of knowledge about Down syndrome.
Some parents may be angry and want to reply with, "How serious is it?
Well, every single cell in his body has an extra chromosome — is that
serious enough?" |
|
"You
are handling this better than I could."
This is an invitation for the new parents to say something like, "No,
you would be wonderful." Suddenly, the conversation has switched to you
instead of the parents and their new baby. Plus, you don't really know how
the new parents are handling it, do you? |
| Things
to say |
| These
are the things parents have found comforting or made them feel
good: |
|
"Congratulations."
They just had a baby! What better response to show that you love them and their
baby than to say congratulations. It made us feel like 'normal' parents
when someone said that to us. If the hospital allows it, a bottle of champagne
could be greatly appreciated. |
|
"He/She
looks just like you."
The baby probably does look like someone in the family. All of the baby's genes
are from the family. My son looked exactly like my daughter did when she was
just born. |
|
Friends
and family who actually 'did' something like read about the disability
(or find information on the web!).
This really means something to the new parents. It shows love and concern for
the baby. The day after we told Mikey's uncle about Mikey having Down Syndrome,
he came to visit us with a handful of papers dealing with Down Syndrome he
had gotten from the web. That showed us that he really cared. |
|
Offer
to babysit.
It is a fear of the new parents that their family will not accept the new baby.
By saying something like, "Well, when are you going to let me babysit?" you
are showing the new parents that you want to be part of the baby's life. This
will be a great relief to them. |
|
"He/She
will do fine."
The new parents are probably pretty worried. They might not know much about
Down syndrome and they may be concerned about possible medical problems. Having
a positive attitude will rub off on them. They don't need pessimism or negativity
from their loved ones. |
|
"We'll
all learn from him/her."
This is another good way to show that you intend on being part of their lives.
After all, how can you learn from their new baby if you are ashamed of him/her?
Their new child will be an opportunity to learn about love, acceptance, and
respect for the disabled. |
|
"We
will always be here to help."
Another very good way to show that you are going to be there. Let the new parents
know that you intend on being part of their lives. |
