| As
I watched Kristina getting what seemed to be her twentieth “echo” at
the cardiologist’s office
today, laying so still for the doctor as he rubbed the gel on the
wand and placed it on her little chest with the three-inch scar,
or “zipper” as her daddy likes to call it, I couldn’t
help but remember the words from one of my favorite Garth Brooks’ songs:
 Sometimes
I thank God for unanswered
prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't
care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.
Looking
at her big beautiful blue eyes watching the monitor of her heart “whooshing” with
its smooth rhythm, my mind went back to a moment frozen forever
in time. I was 19 weeks pregnant
and had just gotten the news on the phone from my doctor
that my amnio results had confirmed what we had prayed wouldn’t
be so: My beautiful baby growing inside me had Down syndrome. I
was at work. I barely remember hanging up but will never
forget his well intentioned but oh-so-misguided chilling advice: “If
you decide to end the pregnancy, it’s a very quick procedure,
but I’ll need your decision soon.”
On
a bittersweet hot summer day in August of 2005, our beautiful
baby girl came fighting into this world. Kristina Marie was struggling
to breathe and was quickly whisked away by a team of neonatologists.
She's been a little fighter since the day she was born. Two
weeks in the NICU - even then the nurses were enamored by the
baby with "all that spiky hair." They clamored to be her "primary
nurse" because she was so "easy and sweet." Two years, an
open heart surgery, tonsillectomy/adenoidectomy, bronchoscopy,
CAT scan and numerous ENT/cardiologist visits later, I'm sitting
here in the doctor's office wondering what I did right in my
life to deserve this angel on earth. She's my guardian angel
and has taught me so much about the beauty of living life to
its fullest.
I admire her courage, her strength, her patience, her love, her openness. When I think about complaining about a long day, my sore back, an argument I had, my cluttered house, or my empty checkbook, I think about the lessons I've learned from Kristina. She's been through more in her two short years than many endure in a lifetime. While, like any two-year-old, she gives way to her temper tantrums, the unconditional love she gives me overwhelms me like I never would have imagined.
Kristina has an aura around her that I can't explain, and it draws people to her. Rarely a day goes by when I don't have a stranger comment on my beautiful daughter with the big blue eyes. I'm honored that she chose me to be her mommy and while many times I don't feel like I deserve her, I hope I can live up to the challenge and the faith she has in me!
Back
at the doctor's office, our cardiologist tells me that he doesn't need to see Kristina for another six months. "Great!" I say - then
I pick Kristina up to go, but not before she looks up at him,
smiles, crinkles her blue eyes and blows him a kiss!
Yes, thank you, God, for unanswered prayers!
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